Marriage requires the will to bow to each other. All too often we forget to reach our hand. But forgiving even the unforgivable is a prerequisite for new life to occur
“Bear with each other and forgive each other, if one has something to blame the other for – as the Lord forgave you, you also do.”
These words are really the key to two who want to love and honor each other until death separates them. They are in the 3rd reading of the wedding ritual and are a selection of some of the many good advice and wishes that the apostle Paul sends to his newly established churches around the Roman Empire.
When they are now part of the wedding ritual, they must of course not only be understood as a reminder of the words and tones that may and must prevail in a Christian congregation but also as a reminder that it is the tone both must Bring with you whether the love of the relationship must be done in the long run.
Yes, not just a reminder, but indeed a prayer, for where is it difficult. Forgiveness and the process called reconciliation is and will be a terribly difficult matter. It does not just require both – in turn – to go by themselves and can admit their own mistakes, but also that they are willing to try to change the way they meet each other. It requires that they are ready to bow to each other – also far deeper than they ever thought they would be able to bow to another human being. It requires greatness, profit and indulgence – often far more than we humans.
But here in this place we have to recognize that it is clearly deeply human to see the splinter in the eyes of our fellow human beings, while the beam in our own fades and becomes easy to apologize. So instead, we deal with excuses and (away) explanations: It was because the other had touched us so thoroughly that we had to do as we did. It was because it was so unforgivable what the other had done or forgot to do, that we simply to maintain our self-respect had to react as we did. And much more we discourage in those situations where we should have met each other instead of digging ourselves into each defensive position.
It has not been easier, the more we remove ourselves from the Christian thought that we are all sinners and in need of forgiveness.
“We never forgive”. Often anger and grief are expressed in this form of press in the press when a terrible traffic kill has occurred where young floods affected by splash and irresponsibility have killed people. And maybe we should also allow God to forgive what we do not own. Nevertheless, it is problematic that the concept of forgiveness has so hard odds against itself in the cultural and linguistic form that we can maintain our good right to relate to other people the forgiveness we ourselves and breathe.
Have we not even experienced terribly many people over the toes over time? Have we really done all things right? Who are we who dare to deny other people what we live from?
It is also certain that forgiveness will be more difficult if neither of the parties will feel wrong and if we are all instructed that we ourselves and our own feelings and demands are more important than the others. Forgiveness can also not be reached if we each fight ourselves with the fact that in each case we have done what we could. We could have done anything but what we did, but we just did – for one reason or another – not.
And that’s the last thing that can be included in the daily realization if we want this difficult with forgiveness and the new life that can arise from it. Thus, it is not understood that Christian people are neither better nor proficient to give and receive forgiveness, for the human mind comes in, and we must again and again with Paul in Romans 7:19 acknowledge that why we do not The good we want, but instead the evil that we do not want? We would like to stretch our hand, say and apologize, but all too often we do not.
Even though the concept of forgiveness has its seat and is nourished from the Christian thought world, the holy grail is thus not preserved for the Christian relationship. But the Christian message forces us at least to think about and recognize who we are. And what we consequently all owe to each other.
Too often, we also misunderstand the concept. As if we should forget all the evil and wrong that happened. But we do not. Especially not women. Neither should. We remember as elephants, even the smallest bugs. Nor is there anyone who says we should forget. Instead, we need to learn from what has happened to take into account it and our mutual differences and try to prevent it from happening again.
When we go forever or otherwise pray for the forgiveness of God and receive it, neither is it because God forgets all our outcasts.