With 21 days to her termination, reflects Camilla Swartz, founder of a couple., Over it to go from being two adults in a relationship to be a small family of three.
I never really dreamed of having a family. I’ve never had ideas about myself as a mother or longed for it. But when I see far ahead in my and my husband’s life, so I think it is strange to imagine us old without children. While this sounds like a dull, sad or maybe even selfish reason, I think it is a piece along the way have been the motivation for both my husband and me. The thought of having children, once we have grown older, is nice. But it is also about more than that. It’s about shifting the focus slightly away from myself and onto something else. Put things in perspective.
What do I say goodbye to?
When I look at my life here and now, it feels children most of all as something I have to make room for in my life at the expense of something else. At the expense of my freedom to do what I want. At the expense of my flexibility and spontaneity. At the expense of my profits in everyday life and in my relationships. At the expense of our sex life. You know guaranteed lubricator and it is certainly a simplistic notion. But it feels like we say goodbye to life and relationship, as we know it and it’s all a bit scary.
At the same time I hear again and again from friends and acquaintances with children that “it’s all worth it.” The problem is that when you stand on this side of things, as I do without children, you will understand it. I do certainly not. Not even if I can feel him kicking inside my stomach. Right now it feels like most of all as a rate – as a “leap out of the seventy thousand fathoms,” as Kierkegaard says. But though a rate that I want to take!
For some it is pure luck. For others it is not.
I once spoke with an acquaintance, approximately six months earlier had been mother and she told me that for her had taken a long time before she felt that she loved her daughter. It had, in other words been really hard without her feel “reward”. It gave her the feeling of being a bad mother and she was ashamed of it. I feel incredibly blessed that she shared her experience with me, I often think of her when I see my own insecurity about being a parent and whether I come with the capacity to be a good, loving and caring parent. It’s nice to know that others who have gone before one does not necessarily have experienced it there immediate happiness and love for her newborn baby. It makes me think that there is room for people like me. For some sounds it might be “daunting”, but for me it provides a realistic and perhaps even pessimistic approach to become a parent calm the stomach. So there is room for it all – and to be pleasantly surprised at the real good way.
Mother and father – and lovers
When I look at my relationships, I see – in all modesty – a healthy relationship where we both almost constantly filled up our love tank. I have a basic feeling that I am enough for him and he for me. But what happens when children (or child that it is indeed in the first place) suddenly become part of the equation?
I have a whole lot of notions that it becomes hard. My fear is that we become so consumed with our child’s well-being that we forget to nurture our relationships. I have heard people say that we should not make some big decisions about his relationships in the first few years after you have had a child because one is somehow in a state of emergency. The advice we will try to take us. Another piece of advice I have been given is date night. To have a fixed time of the week when it’s him and me time. I think it’s insanely difficult to practice in everyday life, for there to be found the nanny and you have to make plans, but I hope we – when the time is right – get it in as a good habit in our lives. Time, where we give each other attention.
I hope at the same time that to have a child together, opens a new dimension in our relationship. There is something that we just very ownership in both, and we never ever want to go back – if we should want to turn each other back. I am excited to see my husband as father. I think he will be fantastic for it, even though he’s just a human being like me going to hurt our child again and again. But it’s a part of life – both for us and for our son.
Tips received with open arms
I begin to look forward to, I must greet our son and to know him. And not least teach myself and my husband to know in the new roles as parents and girlfriends at once. I would really like to hear how you who are already living in it, tackle it. Do you have any advice?
I can even start by giving a tip further: When I was last a midwife out at Aarhus Midwifery Practice, I came across a flyer for a one-day course for couples becoming parents. The Center for Family Development, which holds it and it sounded really exciting. We will certainly consider taking on either d. 4 May (the day before my term) or d. June 22. There is room for 12 couples, it costs 1600 usd. Per. few, and you sign up here .
At our place…
When I was in week 32 got my good friend Pernille who has Pernille Holm Photography , home to us and took some pictures pregnancy. I am not very prepared and in my eyes awkward pregnancy photos, so we agreed that it should just be some situation pictures home with us a quiet Sunday morning – and she caught at the finest way! It is at least some pictures, I know I will be happy to have. Even if you can see my crazy, outgoing navel? Here is a sample of them – I hope you do as well for them as me.